Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Gutter: A new endeavor

It was pointed out to me recently that my blog posting, since April, has slowed to nothing. Largely that is due to my revolving door of ambition and creativity, a door that always swings out and rarely opens in. In lieu of having anything to say about current events or the like, I have decided to simply report on the mundane tactics I employ to use up the hours of the day.

Having already accomplished the feat of winning a track event in business attire (see photo at left), I recently decided to turn my attentions to an increasingly unpleasant problem that has been developing as of late: like many a middle-aged housewife before me, my weight has become rather unsightly. It's a common affliction, and one that many people easily choose to ignore with little regret, that is, until heart disease or diabetes catches up with them. Still, my cause for concern is less health-related and far more superficial. You see, like the movie actor John Travolta,

I too have undergone a bit of a transition through the years.

The left photo was taken at the 2003 Fox Chapel High School prom, an event that I, as a 24-year old deli manager, attended. The right photo was taken on Memorial Day of this year at the Fox Chapel High School softball team's car wash fundraiser. The lack of attention I received at the latter event was striking, and I vowed on that day to work to curb my merciless mid-section.

And so I set out with the goal of re-attaing the svelte 191 pounds I once carried like a billboard of pride. As I sat on my couch the day after Memorial Day, Doritos in one hand and donuts in another, my motivation ran out and the plan faded away. It was another gradiose notion that got lost in the oblivion of my existence, and the only remorse I felt had evaporated by the end of the next commercial break. My ambition, to be quite frank, had left my body like so much flatulence before it.

Then, as June neared its end, I took a vacation to the Outer Banks, and fate flung itself in front of my fat flatulent eyes when I saw the following photo of myself chatting on the phone while sitting on the beach.

It was then that I realized my weight had gone far enough. It was time to trim the fat and rediscover the me that has been lying dormant inside for all these years. The quest for 191 has begun!


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