Gutter: Sucks to be us

Okay, so you’re Major League Baseball. You’re hitting the second month of the 2009 season, and you’re going up against:

1 - One professional sports league that currently has its three best players going head-to-head in the playoffs

2 - Another professional sports league with its own two best players seemingly on track to run into each other in the championship series

3 - A third professional sports league that is in its offseason managing to maintain a position in the headlines thanks to one of the sport’s legends refusing to finally retire

That’s a lot of competition for the sports entertainment airtime. And what’s the best way for Major League Baseball to keep itself relevant?

I know: have one of the game’s best players become yet another name to fall with a positive result in a test for performance-enhancing drugs.


Let’s go with the Washington Post story.

The riveting, uplifting story of Manny Ramírez's transformation from cancerous malcontent in Boston to dreadlocked, beloved eccentric in Los Angeles was derailed yesterday by the news that the Dodgers' slugger has been suspended 50 games for violating baseball's policy against performance-enhancing drugs.

And while we’re at it, let’s get the Pirates’ take on the matter, courtesy of John Grupp at the Tribune-Review.

A snippet:

"Very shocked," Pirates outfielder Nate McLouth said. "It sucks for him."

I’m sure that, at least in part, McLouth was referring to the fact that Ramirez will lose about $7.65 million due to his 50-game suspension. But you know what?

Screw him, McLouth. You know who it sucks for? It sucks for us, the baseball fans in this country who still think - or hope or wish - that the game still mattered and carried some relevance in the modern-day NFL-crazy America.

But no matter how much we cling to baseball, time and again baseball screws us.

So Barry Bonds broke the home run record and he probably did most of it on steroids. That sucks but it’s okay because one day in the not-too-near future, Alex Rodriguez - in all of his purity and good looks and nice-guy-ness that couldn’t be diminished even by his struggles in New York and his affair with Madonna - would break Bonds’ record and baseball would once again have a home run king it could be proud of.

The issue of giving Bonds an asterisk would fade away when he was the No. 2 name on the list. As long as the No. 1 spot was held by someone we could trust, someone we knew was clean, someone who got there honest, everything would be okay.

Except A-Rod admits this spring that he used performance-enhancing drugs, and we the fans get screwed.

And when A-Rod goes down, we all come even closer to the realization that there is no one - no one - in baseball that you can be sure about. Everyone is suspect.

There was a time not too long ago when you could say with confidence and authority that Manny Ramirez was the best right-handed hitter in the game. And when you said that, you could feel good about yourself because, for all of Manny’s antics and ridiculousness, he was one hell of a good hitter and you were sure he was clean. No questions there.

Until now. Until Manny tested positive for human chorionic gonadotropin (which, according to the graphic on ESPN, is “A women’s fertility drug that has also been taken by steroid users to restart their body’s natural testosterone production coming off a steroid cycle”). And now there’s no way anyone can - or should - believe that anything Manny ever did came from honest measures.

It doesn’t matter if Manny says he has “taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons” in that Washington Post article. No one cares. You had a banned substance in your system and you got caught. You’re a cheater and you screwed us. We, as fans, have the right to expect something approaching a fair competition, and by having that substance in your system, Manny, you screwed us.

So I’d like to return the favor and say “Screw you.”

But it’s not that easy. Because what Manny and A-Rod did to us this spring is effectively - and further - indict every single player in Major League Baseball.

LA Times columnist Bill Plaschke was on ESPN talking about how the Dodgers will get by with Russell Martin, Matt Kemp, James Loney, and Casey Blake. But how am I supposed to know that those guys aren’t doing it, too? Before these two players, before these guys who were two of the best hitters in the league, before these players who you felt like you could count on to be clean, you could always keep the wool pulled over your eyes and believe that Major League Baseball was in the downturn of the Steroid Era and that juicers were the minority and not the near-standard that they were 10 years ago.

Now? Not so much.

Now you can look around the league at the best players in the game and question each and every one of them.

Albert Pujols (wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?)
Carlos Pena (he sure does hit a lot of home runs)
Miguel Cabrera (seems like a natural candidate)
Ryan Braun (he’s got surprising power
Evan Longoria (see above)
Adrian Gonzalez (he’s a power-hitter; that’s all you need to know)
Ian Kinsler (he’s slugging .642; that’s reason enough)
Jason Bay (at this point, why not?)

And that doesn’t even get into the pitchers. I’m sure you could throw a lot of accusations around about pitchers, particularly after Roger Clemens’ revelations last year.

As a matter of fact, the only people I’d bet on not using steroids are the Pirates, who are third-to-last in home runs so far. Then again, given the incompetence of that organization, they’re probably using performance-enhancing drugs and sucking at the same time.

So yeah, Nate McLouth, you might think that it sucks for Manny Ramirez, but the truth is, it sucks for us.

Gutter: Cheapskate final standings

Since it’s been two and a half months since the World Series, I figured maybe I should wrap up the Cheapskate standings sometime before spring practice starts.

To refresh: the Cheapskate recognizes the Major League Baseball team that did the most with the least in the 2008 season. To arrive at that conclusion, we took the four franchises with the lowest team salaries to start the season. At the end of the season, the total salary was divided by the number of wins to determine the money spent per win. The team that spends the least per victory is named winner of the inaugural Cheapskate Award.

A couple caveats:

1. The Cheapskate only deals with the salaries at the start of the season. Salary dumps and All-Star break pickups and other such transactions are not included, mostly because the Cheapskate selection committee is too lazy to do that much research.

2. The Cheapskate selection committee is also too lazy to come up with any sort of equation that determines which team actually won the most games while spending the least. Those calculations would undoubtedly require far more effort than the current equation demands, so we’re sticking with the one we’ve got.


Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21


Now then, it’s time to present the first-ever Cheapskate Award. After a long season of sliding by with a blue-light special payroll of $21 million and an average cost per game of just under $260,000, the inaugural Cheapskate goes to…

The Florida Marlins

Congratulations to the Marlins. Nobody knows how to build up and then tear down a franchise like the Marlins. Fact is, Florida was in the race for the NL East for most of the season before falling off behind the far-more financially-endowed Mets and Phillies.

By far the best performer in the Cheapskate running this season were the Tampa Bay Rays. TB beat out the ridiculous spending of New York and Boston to win the AL East and then made it all the way to the World Series before falling to the Phillies. And that was all accomplished with a preseason payroll of $43 million.

Of course, the hook with the Rays was that they were full of very talented young players who were still early in their contracts, thus not costing the franchise an arm and a leg. It’s amazing: if you draft well and develop well, you can have a window of at least a few seasons where your payroll is low and your talent is high.

Pittsburgh, we’re looking at you here. Let’s try to emulate that over the next couple years, eh?

The Marlins and the Rays were the only Cheapskate teams to finish with winning records, as Oakland and Pittsburgh just flat-out sucked. The Athletics won 75 games and finished 24.5 games out of first place in the AL West despite competing for the better part of the first half of the season. The Pirates were never in competition for the NL, and their God-awful trades in 2008 led to a piss-poor 67 wins.

Great job Pirates. Way to show up this year. And for each of those 67 wins, you spent over $700,000. Money well spent, to be sure.


That’s all for us here at the Cheapskate Awards. It’s been an awful season, and now that the Yankees have spent $400 million on three players in the offseason, 2009 looks to be even worse. Maybe the Cheapskate will be back next season. Maybe not. Really, it all depends on whether or not the AP publishes the preseason salaries again.



Record: 84-77
Standing: 3rd in NL East
Games back: 7.5
Money spent per win: $259,958.33


Record: 97-65
Standing: 1st in AL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $451,758.74

Record: 75-86
Standing: 3rd in AL West
Games back: 24.5
Money spent per win: $639, 561.68


Record: 67-95
Standing: 6th in NL Central
Games back: 30.5
Money spent per win: $736,795. 27

Gutter: Cheapskate at the All-Star break

Since it’s the All-Star break, I thought I’d update the standings in the running for the first-ever Cheapskate Award.

For those who came in late (or just forgot since I haven’t updated these standings since mid-May), the Cheapskate rewards the team that is able to spend the least amount of money per win. Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

We’re rewarding value-based mediocrity and the teams that get the most out of spending the least. To do that, we multiply the cost per game by the total number of games played, and that number is divided by the number of wins; the team that spends the least per win has done the most with the least, and that penny-pinching club will win the Cheapskate at the end of the year.

Even though it’s been almost two months since the last Cheapskate update, the various aspects of the standings are remarkably similar. At the last update, Florida was five games over .500 and spending about $241,000 per win; today, the Marlins are five games over and spending about $256,000. However, Florida has suffered by some surges from the Mets and the Phillies, and the Marlins are now sitting in third in the NL East, even though they’re only 1.5 games back.

Tampa Bay probably would have liked a Cheapskate update a week and a half ago, when the Rays had won seven in a row and 11 out of 12. But Tampa stumbled into the break with seven-game losing streak, so they’re back where they were two months ago: second place in the AL East and six games over .500.

Oakland’s fortunes haven’t been all that great over the past two months. Sure, they’re seven games over .500 and still in second place in the AL West, but the surging Angels have now stretched out a six-game lead in the division.

Meanwhile, our Pirates still pretty much suck. They limped into the break by losing six of ten, and their 44-50 record is good for 12.5 games out of first place. I suppose it’s good that they’re tied with Cincinnati in the loss column, so they should be able to pass the Reds at some point, but the fact remains that the Pirates suck and are spending over $650,000 per win.



Here are the standings:


Record: 50-45
Standing: 3rd in NL East
Games back: 1.5
Money spent per win: $256,107.10

Record: 55-39
Standing: 2nd in AL East
Games back: .5
Money spent per win: $472,141.13

Record: 51-44
Standing: 2nd in AL West
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $551,546.47


Record: 44-50
Standing: 5th in NL Central
Games back: 12.5
Money spent per win: $651,001.21

Gutter: Cheapskate teams hit struggles

It’s been five days since the last Cheapskate update, and all four of Major League Baseball’s lowest-salaried teams have not been faring well. Tampa Bay, who had won six in a row heading into last Wednesday (the day of the most recent Cheapskate update), lost to the Yankees that day, and though they rebounded with a win over the Bronx Bombers and then took the first game of a series in St. Louis, the Rays then dropped the final two games against the Cardinals and have fallen to second place in the AL East.

Florida has continued to struggle, despite sitting on top of the NL East and the Cheapskate. The Marlins avoided a four-game sweep by the Reds only with help from God, as the final game of the series was rained out on Thursday. The Marlins then hosted pitiful Kansas City for a weekend series, but that didn’t go well either, as the Royals took two of three. Florida is still one game ahead of New York and Philadelphia in the NL East and over $200,000 ahead of (behind?) anyone else in the Cheapskate.

Oakland’s struggles continued over the final half of last week, and the once-hot A’s have now lost five of their last six and seven of their last 10 after getting swept in Cleveland and dropping two of three in Atlanta over the weekend.

As for our hometown Buccos, they still haven’t been able to cross that .500 threshold. Winning just one game in Chicago over the weekend was exactly one more win than I thought they were capable of in the Windy City, but they’ll need to make a statement in the upcoming six-game homestand (vs. Milwaukee and the Cubs). Seems to me that this is the exact kind of homestand that usually dashes all hopes of a successful Pirates’ season: late May, against back-to-back divisional opponents, sitting just under .500. Usually that scenario leads to a 1-5 performance that kills any optimism that might have been lurking about.

This week we’ll get a Cheapskate divisional tussle when the Athletics host the Rays. After that series, Oakland gets the Red Sox at home, while Tampa Bay comes back home to host Baltimore. For the Marlins, this week has two NL West teams coming to town, starting with the hot Diamondbacks to start the week and the terrible Giants to end it.

Just to refresh, the Cheapskate rewards the team that is able to spend the least amount of money per win. Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

We’re rewarding value-based mediocrity and the teams that get the most out of spending the least.

Now on to the standings:



Record: 24-19
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $241,504.50

Record: 25-19
Standing: 2nd in AL East
Games back: 1
Money spent per win: $476,075.64

Record: 24-21
Standing: 2nd in AL West
Games back: 1.5
Money spent per win: $555,175.07


Record: 21-23
Standing: T-4th in NL Central
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $638,469.27

Peak: Still some heat in the Cheapskate

I should probably amend that logo that I used on the last Cheapskate update. Instead of showing a roller skate on fire, it should be the Tampa Bay Rays’ logo en fuego, because the Rays are one of the hottest teams in the MLB right now, let alone the Cheapskate standings.

Tampa Bay has the longest current winning streak in the league as winners of six in a row, and that streak of success has vaulted the Rays back into the top spot in the AL East, ahead of the slumping Red Sox.

In the world of the Cheapskate, Tampa Bay’s run has the Rays holding on to second place behind only the very cheap Marlins. And what’s more, the Rays’ cost per win in this update (around $458,000) is the lowest mark achieved by a team other than Florida this season.

Speaking of the Marlins, they’ve hit a bit of a rough stretch, as their seven-game winning streak was snapped by losses in the first two games of a series at pitiful Cincinnati. Florida still sits at the top of the NL East and the Cheapskate, and they get two more shots at the Reds before heading home to host the Royals, so I’m guessing that the Marlins are still in good shape.

Oakland could use another upswing. Sure, the A’s are only .5 game back in the AL West and hanging in third in the Cheapskate, but they’ve gone 5-5 over their last 10. They lost to the Indians in Cleveland last night; after two more games against Chief Wahoo, they’ll be off to Atlanta to face the really-good-at-home Braves. Oakland needs to get on the winning track or they could fall further in the West and the Cheapskate.

And then there’s the flirting-with-.500 Pirates. Winning the opener of Monday’s double-header put the Buccos one game under the magic mark of average-ness, but they dropped the second game. Last night, they rebounded and bounced the Cardinals in St. Louis, and they’re right back to one game under. Pittsburgh is currently 4 games back in the NL Central, but they’ve got a tough stretch coming up; sweeping, or at least taking two-out-of-three from, the Cardinals would go a long way toward establishing some positive momentum.

In the Cheapskate, the Pirates are now just over $100,000 behind the third-place team (in this case, Oakland). This is about as close as the Buccos have gotten to climbing out of the Cheapskate cellar, but a healthy run of winning baseball can push Pittsburgh out of the depths and into contention.

Just to refresh, the Cheapskate rewards the team that is able to spend the least amount of money per win. Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

We’re rewarding value-based mediocrity and the teams that get the most out of spending the least.



Record: 23-16
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $228,562.40

Record: 23-16
Standing: 1st in AL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $458,669.70

Record: 23-17
Standing: 2nd in AL West
Games back: .5
Money spent per win: $514,944.99


Record: 19-20
Standing: 5th in NL Central
Games back: 4
Money spent per win: $625,486.04

Peak: This skate's on fire!

And I thought the Cheapskate teams were on fire in the last update.

Look out, big-money markets of Major League Baseball:

Here come the bottom-feeders.

Every single one of the four teams in the running for the first-ever Cheapskate award is on fire. The unbelievable Marlins continue to sit in first place in the NL East on the strength of a seven-game winning streak. The amazing Rays of Tampa Bay are back within 1.5 games of the AL East-leading Red Sox after winning four in a row. The Athletics have held on to the top spot in the AL West by winning four of their last six. And even the Pirates, in all of their crapitude, are currently riding a five-game winning streak that has enabled them to climb to two games under .500 and just a half-game out of fourth place in the NL Central.

It’s amazing what these value-minded bargain-basement teams are accomplishing. And people say the dollar is weak.

Just to refresh, the Cheapskate rewards the team that is able to spend the least amount of money per win. Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

We’re rewarding value-based mediocrity and the teams that get the most out of spending the least.

Florida has held on to the top spot in the Cheapskate all season, but the Marlins’ new mark of $216,000 per win is the lowest since the first Cheapskate standings. Tampa Bay’s winning streak has vaulted the Rays into second place in the Cheapskate for the second time this season. And while the Pirates are still bringing up the rear, their current rate of $645,000 per win is as low as they’ve had since the season’s second Cheapskate update, when they got down to $565,000 after a big winning streak.

Coming up next, the Marlins go to Cincinnati for a four-game series against the worse-than-the-Pirates Reds. Tampa Bay hosts the stuck-at-.500 Yankees for a four-game series. Oakland has Monday off before a three-game series at Cleveland. And the Pirates wrap up their four-game home tilt against the Braves with a double-header on Monday before going to St. Louis to start a three-game series against the Cardinals.



It’s a big time for the Cheapskate teams. Here are the most recent standings:




Record: 23-14
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $216,841.25

Record: 21-16
Standing: 2nd in AL East
Games back: 1.5
Money spent per win: $476,590.87

Record: 23-16
Standing: 1st in AL West
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $502,071.37


Record: 17-19
Standing: 5th in NL Central
Games back: 4.5
Money spent per win: $645,297.82

Gutter: Cheapskate update - 5/9

Oh man, the Cheapskate teams are really heating up now.

I mean, for spending next to nothing (in baseball terms, at least), the four teams in the running for the first-ever Cheapskate Award are putting on quite a show. The Marlins and the Athletics have been at or near the top of their respective divisions all season, so there’s not much new there, but all four teams are currently out of the basement; and beyond that, they’re all playing pretty well right now.

After dropping out of the top spot in the NL East for a day or two, the Marlins have been on a tear, winning four in a row to stay in first in the division. They need it, too, since the Braves, who are 1.5 games back, have won six straight.

The Athletics also regained the top spot in their division, winning four in a row to tie the Angels for leads in the AL West. Even the Pirates have put together a little streak, sweeping the worse-than-the-Pirates San Francisco Giants to put a firm hold on fifth place in the NL Central and climb back to only four games under .500.

Only the Rays have been struggling lately, losing four of the last six but doing just enough to stay above .500 and hold on to second place in the AL East.

Not surprisingly, all of this winning has had a positive impact on the teams’ cost-per-win. Everyone’s cost is down in this update, including the Pirates who finally got under that $700,000 mark. Oakland is below $500,000 again, while the Rays keep getting closer to the half-a-mill mark. Florida, of course, with its yard sale salary, continues to be a tremendous bargain. Getting a guy like Hanley Ramirez early in his career will do that for you.

The weekend series for the Cheapskate teams should be interesting. Florida gets a chance to stay hot with a road trip to the nation’s capital for a showdown with the 15-20 (that’s worse than the Pirates) Nationals. Oakland stays in the division with a three-game tilt at 16-20 Texas. The Rays get a chance to help the A’s in the standings with a home series against the Angels. And the Pirates host red-hot Atlanta for four games, which should effectively end Pittsburgh’s current three-game winning streak and any chance the Pirates have of eclipsing the .500 mark.

Now on to the Cheapskate standings. Remember, we’re recognizing the team who spends the least per win, in essence rewarding value-based mediocrity.

Just to refresh, here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21



Record: 20-14
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $229,148. 46

Record: 22-14
Standing: T-1st in AL West
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $484,516.42


Record: 18-16
Standing: 2nd in AL East
Games back: 3.5
Money spent per win: $510,939.76

Record: 15-19
Standing: 5th in NL Central
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $690,707.67

Gutter: Cheapskate update - 5/5

The Cheapskate has started to permeate my life in new venues.

I was on a radio station in Louisville last Thursday to talk about a few Big East topics. I felt like the segment was headed in the right direction when they came out of the commercial break with “Statesboro Blues,” but things took a downturn when the host began bemoaning the fact that the Baltimore Orioles had lost an afternoon game to the Tampa Bay Rays.

In his words, the Rays were a “sucky” team, and he couldn’t believe that his “beloved O’s” had lost to such a bottom-feeder. In all honesty, I was about to begin a 10-minute tangent on the Rays, the Cheapskate, and value-based mediocrity, but he never let me get there, instead steering the conversation back to our predetermined topic. It was particularly relevant because that Thursday game was Tampa Bay’s 8th win in 9 games, and that hot streak had put the Rays not only on top of the AL East but also in second place in the Cheapskate standings.

Then, as the interview concluded, the host signed off with the standard “thanks for coming on the show, we’ll talk to you soon” stuff that usually ends these kinds of things. Sensing my last opportunity to spread word of the Cheapskate, I replied with “no problem, take it easy and watch out for those Rays,” hoping he would bite on the line.


Host: Watch out for what?

Me: The Rays. The Tampa Bay Rays.

Host (with the “go-to-commercial” music blaring behind him): Oh right. You know, I don’t mind being behind the Yankees or the Red Sox, but the Rays? That sucks –

Me (cutting him off and talking as fast as I can): Yeah-you-have-to-watch-out-for-them-they-have-won-like-six-in-a-row-and-they’re-really-catching-fire-and-they’ve-cut-their-cost-per-game-all-the-way-down-to –

Host (after cutting my phone line): We’ll be back in just a minute.


So I tried to spread the word of the Cheapskate, but no dice. Oh well.

Anyway, the Rays have come back down to earth, sort of, having lost three in a row over the weekend. But the rest of the AL East is struggling, too, so Tampa Bay is caught in a three-way tie for second place with the Yankees and the Orioles.

The Athletics went 2-2 over the weekend, holding onto second place in the AL West but jumping over the Rays to retake second in the Cheapskate. The Marlins have had a rough week, losing four of their last six and falling from first to a tie with the Mets for second in the NL East, but their blue-light special salary virtually ensures they’ll stay on top of the Cheapskate for some time.

And the Pirates? Well, they suck. They went 1-3 in a four-game series with the craptastic Nationals over the weekend, they’ve lost two in a row, and they’ve only won three of their last 10. What’s worse is that they’re spending more on annual salary than the other three teams in the Cheapskate and at the same time they have fewer wins (12) than Florida (17), Oakland (19), and Tampa Bay (16).


Just to refresh, here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21






Record: 17-14
Standing: T-2nd in NL East
Games back: .5
Money spent per win: $245,799.38

Record: 19-14
Standing: 2nd in AL West
Games back: 1
Money spent per win: $514,267.43


Record: 16-15
Standing: T-2nd in AL East
Games back: 3
Money spent per win: $524,088.95

Record: 11-16
Standing: 6th in NL Central
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $787,203.59

Gutter: Cheapskate update - 5/1

It’s a momentous occasion.

The first shake-up in the history of the Cheapskate standings has finally happened: the surging Tampa Bay Rays, who have won 8 of their last 10, vaulted past the stumbling Oakland Athletics to take over second place in the initial standings of the Cheapskate Award, presented annually to the Major League Baseball team that accomplishes the most with the least.

In summation, we’re rewarding value-based mediocrity.

Just to refresh, here are the numbers.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

An intricate and complicated formula is then applied to determine a cost-per-win to date. The teams are ranked based on who has spent the least per win. The Marlins, with their blue-light special salary, have a considerable advantage, so the other three will have to enjoy extraordinary success on the field to pass Florida.

In addition to holding the top spot in the Cheapskate, the Marlins are also still at the head of the NL East, although that lead is quickly dwindling. Florida has lost two in a row and 5 of their last 8; as a result, the Mets and the Phillies are each within one-half game of the Marlins.

The Athletics, meanwhile, have held strong to the second spot in the Cheapskate and the top spot in the AL West all season, but a two-game losing streak has stripped the A’s of both of those distinctions. Oakland’s problems in the AL West are compounded by the fact that the losses of the past two nights have come against the Los Angeles (nee Anaheim, nee California) Angels, who now sit on top of the division.

The Rays, unlike the other three teams in the Cheapskate, are on fire. After consecutive sweeps of AL East foes Toronto and Boston, Tampa Bay dropped a game to Baltimore. But the Rays bounced back last night with an 8-1 win in Baltimore. Following this series, the Rays head up to Boston for a payback series against the Red Sox, and that stretch could mean the end of Tampa Bay’s surge.

And then there’s the Pirates. Forget yesterday’s bombing of the Mets: the Buccos have still lost four of six and 10 of the last 14. Next they head to the nation’s capitol for a four-game series with the craptastic Nationals. Should be a chance for the Pirates to put some numbers in the win column, but don’t bet on it. That’s exactly the kind of series that the Pirates have perfected over the past 15 years: getting swept by a team that just might actually be a worse franchise.




Record: 15-12
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $242,627.78

Record: 15-12
Standing: 2nd in AL East
Games back: 1
Money spent per win: $486,895.54

Record: 17-12
Standing: 2nd in AL West
Games back: 1
Money spent per win: $505,100.46


Record: 11-16
Standing: 6th in NL Central
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $747,958.84

Gutter: Cheapskate update - 4/29

A weekend sidetrack created a five-day lull in updating the Cheapskate standings. Thank God I’m the only person who is actually interested in this wholly irrelevant system of ranking Major League Baseball teams.

Anyway, I still do find it interesting, so I’m going to continue updating the Cheapskate standings.

Just to refresh, here are the numbers.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

There have been some surprising happenings in the competition for best value-based mediocrity (or mediocrity-based value, depending on your perspective). Most notable is the Tampa Bay ball club, which has now won six in a row, including a 4-0 stretch over the past five days. And while the winning streak hasn’t been enough to push the Rays out of third place in the Cheapskate standings, they have drawn within $13,000 of the second-place Athletics; perhaps more importantly (although not to me), is that the Rays’ six-game winning streak has brought them into a tie for first place in the AL East.

At the same time, Oakland has gone 4-1 over the past five days to hold onto first place in the AL West and second place in the Cheapskate rankings. But it’s not enough to get over the Marlins, whose 2-2 record over the past five has been enough to stick them in first place in the NL East and the Cheapskates. Florida’s low total salary is going to require a complete collapse if Oakland or Tampa Bay hope to take over the top spot in the Cheapskates.

Oh yeah, the Pirates are in this thing, too. Dropping Matt Morris was a nice PR move, but they still owe him the 10 mill for this year, so it’s not going to help their Cheapskate ranking. Ditto for the 1-3 record over the weekend: that kind of winning percentage is not going to improve any standings, be they in the NL Central or the Cheapskates.


Record: 15-10
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $224,655.35


Record: 17-10
Standing: 1st in AL West
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $470,265.94


Record: 14-11
Standing: T-1st in AL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $483,031.29

Record: 10-15
Standing: 6th in NL Central
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $761,809.93

Gutter: Cheapskate update - 4/24

Ordinarily I probably wouldn’t do a Cheapskate update two days in a row, but there is major moving and shaking going on with the four cheapest teams in Major League Baseball, as they combined to go 4-0 last night. And what’s more is that the two bottom-feeders in this group (Pittsburgh and Tampa Bay) have now each won two in a row, climbing out of the basements in their respective divisions in the process.

The Pirates have been particularly impressive, as their two-game winning streak consists of a win over the Cheapskate-leading Marlins (Tuesday night) and a win over the NL Central-leading Cardinals (Wednesday night). Pittsburgh took a half-game lead on Cincinnati in the NL Central in the process, vaulting the Reds into fifth place.

The Rays, meanwhile, have done the best kind of work over the past two days, taking the first two games of a three-game series from AL East foe Toronto and leap-frogging the Blue Jays in the process.

As it stands now, none of the four Cheapskate contenders currently sit in the bottom of their division, and Oakland and Florida continue to lead the AL West and NL East, respectively.

Naturally, all of this winning is having a positive effect on the teams’ costs per win, with the Marlins dipping under $220,000, the A’s right around half a mil, the Rays dropping down to $568,000, and the Pirates looking to get under $700,000. That’s the price of success, folks.




Record: 13-8
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $217,742.88


Record: 13-9
Standing: T-1st in AL West
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $501,081.09


Record: 10-11
Standing: 4th in AL East
Games back: 4
Money spent per win: $568,044.79

Record: 9-12
Standing: 5th in NL Central
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $711,022.60