Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Peak: Maybe they should give him a couple beers

Another welcome diversion from The Parkway West Rock Thrower case appeared today when I noticed an odd-sounding headline on my Hotmail home page. Quite frankly, I can honestly say that this might be the greatest story I have heard in quite some time, and it successfully distracted me from thinking about rock-throwers and evil-doers and protecting the homeland that is the Parkway West.

Therefore I present the following:

Do you know what’s happening in that photo? That is a Thai zookeeper showing a giant panda some...wait for it...wait for it...panda porn.


The story appears on, and it’s one of international intrigue and erotica of the panda variety.

It seems that Chuang Chuang the panda, who lives at the Chiang Mai Zoo in northern Thailand, isn’t too attracted to his zoo-mandated partner, Lin Hui. With panda numbers dwindling, the Thai zookeepers are very interested in getting Chuang Chuang and Lin Hui to become intimate, but since he doesn’t seem to be up for it, the zookeepers have taken a new approach.

Actually, the approach is only new in Thailand, since Chinese zookeepers have been using panda porn to increase the captive panda population significantly for the past few years, according to a separate article. As a result, 31 captive panda cubs were born in China through the first ten months of 2006, more than double the numbers for 2005 and over three times as many as were born in 2000. It’s a successful program, and one that the Chinese are now hoping will work oversees.

Our unexcitable friend Chuang Chuang is the first experiment. Thailand is renting him and Lin Hui for $250,000, so it’s time to start getting some bang for that buck, so to speak. Thus far, the porn hasn’t been working, as Chuang Chuang still appears uninterested. Apparently the idea isn’t that the porn is supposed to excite the panda, per se, but rather to act as instructional footage, something along the lines of “panda-see-panda-do.” Either way, Chuang Chuang isn’t doing.

Maybe the zookeepers just aren’t scratching him where he itches, if you know what I mean. Human males have different preferences; maybe it’s the same for pandas. Perhaps Chuang Chuang would prefer something a bit more, I don’t know, unconventional. Maybe watching two pandas isn’t his cup of tea. Maybe something like this is more up his alley:

It should be noted that this isn’t the first time that Chuang Chuang has had trouble, um, mating. Earlier this year the zookeepers had to put the big fella on a diet because he was too fat for loving. (Again, this story comes from, the leader for news on panda sex.) But now he’s down to 313 pounds after weighing 331 as recently as January, which is good for Lin Hui, who checks in at a petite 253 pounds.

Still, the zookeepers are having trouble getting the pair to get wild. Personally, I don’t know what Chuang Chuang is thinking. I mean, I don’t know much about pandas, but Lin Hui looks like she’s probably a catch, don’t you think?

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