Gutter: Blue is nonplussed

This is my dog. His name is Blue.

Since I work at home, he pretty much does what I do. If I sit around all day, he sits around all day. If I go to the park, he goes to the park. If I spend all day playing synthesizers…well, Blue can’t do that because his paws are too big for anything more precise than block chords, and while I have a certain appreciation for experimental approaches to music, I tend to prefer something a little more melodic. So when I play a synthesizer at home, Blue usually just lays around and listens.

A similar occurrence takes place when I watch TV. Blue rarely shows interest in the programs and movies I choose to watch, so he just lays there and soaks it in. Such was the case earlier today when I watched the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States, Barack H. Obama.

I watched the inauguration, and Blue laid around and listened to it. Occasionally I noticed him glancing up, but for the most part, he was nonplussed.

Overall, I wasn’t really surprised that Blue was nonplussed with the whole thing. He reacted the same way to the speech Obama gave on Election Night in that park in Chicago. Blue’s a young lad - the end of January will be his first birthday - but he’s wise beyond his years.

For Blue, words like “hope” and “progress” and “unity” sure have a nice ring to them, but that ring is hollow. Words like that are empty starters, sparks to ignite some sense of national pride or collective passion that are best served in the campaign process. Or at ceremonial procedures like an inauguration.

Blue heard the call to action:

“Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and begin the work of remaking America.”

That sure does sound nice, but the words barely registered with Blue this afternoon as they echoed from my TV. I was fairly caught up in the historical significance and intensity of the moment, but as I said before, Blue was nonplussed.

Now, I’ve done my best to educate Blue how significant it is that Obama won the election. But even on that fateful night back in November, after I returned from a friend’s house where celebratory spirits were in full bloom, Blue’s demeanor could best be defined as “nonplussed.”

As is our normal routine, I immediately let Blue out the back door for an evening release after coming back from my friend’s house on Election Night. As I stood in the doorway while Blue relieved the pressure that had built over the previous three or four hours, I reflected on my drive from the friend’s house in Mt. Washington back to my place in Lawrenceville. I thought about how a chorus of car horns punctuated the drive. I thought about how there seemed to be an electricity, a natural energy that enveloped the city.

I thought about these things while Blue performed his evening ritual that night in November. And then, just before he came back in the house, he looked up at me with an expression that seemed to completely encompass the lingering thought in my mind.

With one look, Blue asked the most important question of all:

Now what?

After all the promises and talk of hope and progress and unity and Yes We Can and everything that so captivated Americans over the past two years…

Now what?

After a history-making election that will forever change the face of the American political process…

Now what?

After finally undoing the God-awful administration that held the White House for the past eight years…

Now what?

And so it was on Tuesday afternoon, as I watched the inauguration of our 44th President…

Now what?

Hope, progress, unity, and all of those happy words will mean very little if real solutions, real ideas, and real, tangible effectiveness does not come out of this presidency.

And so Blue asks…

Now what?

Gutter: Cheapskate final standings

Since it’s been two and a half months since the World Series, I figured maybe I should wrap up the Cheapskate standings sometime before spring practice starts.

To refresh: the Cheapskate recognizes the Major League Baseball team that did the most with the least in the 2008 season. To arrive at that conclusion, we took the four franchises with the lowest team salaries to start the season. At the end of the season, the total salary was divided by the number of wins to determine the money spent per win. The team that spends the least per victory is named winner of the inaugural Cheapskate Award.

A couple caveats:

1. The Cheapskate only deals with the salaries at the start of the season. Salary dumps and All-Star break pickups and other such transactions are not included, mostly because the Cheapskate selection committee is too lazy to do that much research.

2. The Cheapskate selection committee is also too lazy to come up with any sort of equation that determines which team actually won the most games while spending the least. Those calculations would undoubtedly require far more effort than the current equation demands, so we’re sticking with the one we’ve got.


Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21


Now then, it’s time to present the first-ever Cheapskate Award. After a long season of sliding by with a blue-light special payroll of $21 million and an average cost per game of just under $260,000, the inaugural Cheapskate goes to…

The Florida Marlins

Congratulations to the Marlins. Nobody knows how to build up and then tear down a franchise like the Marlins. Fact is, Florida was in the race for the NL East for most of the season before falling off behind the far-more financially-endowed Mets and Phillies.

By far the best performer in the Cheapskate running this season were the Tampa Bay Rays. TB beat out the ridiculous spending of New York and Boston to win the AL East and then made it all the way to the World Series before falling to the Phillies. And that was all accomplished with a preseason payroll of $43 million.

Of course, the hook with the Rays was that they were full of very talented young players who were still early in their contracts, thus not costing the franchise an arm and a leg. It’s amazing: if you draft well and develop well, you can have a window of at least a few seasons where your payroll is low and your talent is high.

Pittsburgh, we’re looking at you here. Let’s try to emulate that over the next couple years, eh?

The Marlins and the Rays were the only Cheapskate teams to finish with winning records, as Oakland and Pittsburgh just flat-out sucked. The Athletics won 75 games and finished 24.5 games out of first place in the AL West despite competing for the better part of the first half of the season. The Pirates were never in competition for the NL, and their God-awful trades in 2008 led to a piss-poor 67 wins.

Great job Pirates. Way to show up this year. And for each of those 67 wins, you spent over $700,000. Money well spent, to be sure.


That’s all for us here at the Cheapskate Awards. It’s been an awful season, and now that the Yankees have spent $400 million on three players in the offseason, 2009 looks to be even worse. Maybe the Cheapskate will be back next season. Maybe not. Really, it all depends on whether or not the AP publishes the preseason salaries again.



Record: 84-77
Standing: 3rd in NL East
Games back: 7.5
Money spent per win: $259,958.33


Record: 97-65
Standing: 1st in AL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $451,758.74

Record: 75-86
Standing: 3rd in AL West
Games back: 24.5
Money spent per win: $639, 561.68


Record: 67-95
Standing: 6th in NL Central
Games back: 30.5
Money spent per win: $736,795. 27

Gutter: Cheapskate at the All-Star break

Since it’s the All-Star break, I thought I’d update the standings in the running for the first-ever Cheapskate Award.

For those who came in late (or just forgot since I haven’t updated these standings since mid-May), the Cheapskate rewards the team that is able to spend the least amount of money per win. Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

We’re rewarding value-based mediocrity and the teams that get the most out of spending the least. To do that, we multiply the cost per game by the total number of games played, and that number is divided by the number of wins; the team that spends the least per win has done the most with the least, and that penny-pinching club will win the Cheapskate at the end of the year.

Even though it’s been almost two months since the last Cheapskate update, the various aspects of the standings are remarkably similar. At the last update, Florida was five games over .500 and spending about $241,000 per win; today, the Marlins are five games over and spending about $256,000. However, Florida has suffered by some surges from the Mets and the Phillies, and the Marlins are now sitting in third in the NL East, even though they’re only 1.5 games back.

Tampa Bay probably would have liked a Cheapskate update a week and a half ago, when the Rays had won seven in a row and 11 out of 12. But Tampa stumbled into the break with seven-game losing streak, so they’re back where they were two months ago: second place in the AL East and six games over .500.

Oakland’s fortunes haven’t been all that great over the past two months. Sure, they’re seven games over .500 and still in second place in the AL West, but the surging Angels have now stretched out a six-game lead in the division.

Meanwhile, our Pirates still pretty much suck. They limped into the break by losing six of ten, and their 44-50 record is good for 12.5 games out of first place. I suppose it’s good that they’re tied with Cincinnati in the loss column, so they should be able to pass the Reds at some point, but the fact remains that the Pirates suck and are spending over $650,000 per win.



Here are the standings:


Record: 50-45
Standing: 3rd in NL East
Games back: 1.5
Money spent per win: $256,107.10

Record: 55-39
Standing: 2nd in AL East
Games back: .5
Money spent per win: $472,141.13

Record: 51-44
Standing: 2nd in AL West
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $551,546.47


Record: 44-50
Standing: 5th in NL Central
Games back: 12.5
Money spent per win: $651,001.21

Peak: Would you buy this t-shirt?

I really want one of these t-shirts, but the price gets lower as the quantity goes up. So, here's my question to you:

Would you pay $15 for a Johnny Utah No. 9 Ohio State t-shirt? I would.





I'm being completely serious about this. If you would like a Johnny Utah t-shirt, let me know.

Peak: Fever in the funk house, Pt. 11 - Elephant

Or: How I fill up 2 GB

(Being the continuing alphabetical series of the contents of my iPod)





Album: Elephant
Artist: The White Stripes
Released: 2003

Track listing:
1. Seven Nation Army
2. Black Math
3. There’s No Home for You Here
4. I Just Don’t Know What to Do With Myself
5. In the Cold, Cold Night
6. I Want to Be the Boy to Warm Your Mother’s Heart
7. You’ve Got Her in Your Pocket
8. Ball and Biscuit
9. The Hardest Button to Button
10. Little Acorns
11. Hypnotize
12. The Air Near My Fingers
13. Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine
14. It’s True That We Love One Another


Allmusic.com review:
White Blood Cells may have been a reaction to the amount of fame the White Stripes had received up to the point of its release, but, paradoxically, it made full-fledged rock stars out of Jack and Meg White and sold over half a million copies in the process. Despite the White Stripes' ambivalence, fame nevertheless seems to suit them: They just become more accomplished as the attention paid to them increases. Elephant captures this contradiction within the Stripes and their music; it's the first album they've recorded for a major label, and it sounds even more pissed-off, paranoid, and stunning than its predecessor. Darker and more difficult than White Blood Cells, the album offers nothing as immediately crowd-pleasing or sweet as "Fell in Love With a Girl" or "We're Going to Be Friends," but it's more consistent, exploring disillusionment and rejection with razor-sharp focus. Chip-on-the-shoulder anthems like the breathtaking opener, "Seven Nation Army," which is driven by Meg White's explosively minimal drumming, and "The Hardest Button to Button," in which Jack White snarls "Now we're a family!" — one of the best oblique threats since Black Francis sneered "It's educational!" all those years ago — deliver some of the fiercest blues-punk of the White Stripes' career. "There's No Home for You Here" sets a girl's walking papers to a melody reminiscent of "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" (though the result is more sequel than rehash), driving the point home with a wall of layered, Queen-ly harmonies and piercing guitars, while the inspired version of "I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself" goes from plaintive to angry in just over a minute, though the charging guitars at the end sound perversely triumphant. At its bruised heart, Elephant portrays love as a power struggle, with chivalry and innocence usually losing out to the power of seduction. "I Want to Be the Boy" tries, unsuccessfully, to charm a girl's mother; "You've Got Her in Your Pocket," a deceptively gentle ballad, reveals the darker side of the Stripes' vulnerability, blurring the line between caring for someone and owning them with some fittingly fluid songwriting.

The battle for control reaches a fever pitch on the "Fell in Love With a Girl"-esque "Hypnotize," which suggests some slightly underhanded ways of winning a girl over before settling for just holding her hand, and on the show-stopping "Ball and Biscuit," seven flat-out seductive minutes of preening, boasting, and amazing guitar prowess that ranks as one the band's most traditionally bluesy (not to mention sexy) songs. Interestingly, Meg's star turn, "In the Cold, Cold Night," is the closest Elephant comes to a truce in this struggle, her kitten-ish voice balancing the song's slinky words and music. While the album is often dark, it's never despairing; moments of wry humor pop up throughout, particularly toward the end. "Little Acorns" begins with a sound clip of Detroit newscaster Mort Crim's Second Thoughts radio show, adding an authentic, if unusual, Motor City feel. It also suggests that Jack White is one of the few vocalists who could make a lyric like "Be like the squirrel" sound cool and even inspiring. Likewise, the showy "Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine" — on which White resembles a garage rock snake-oil salesman — is probably the only song featuring the word "acetaminophen" in its chorus. "It's True That We Love One Another," which features vocals from Holly Golightly as well as Meg White, continues the Stripes' tradition of closing their albums on a lighthearted note. Almost as much fun to analyze as it is to listen to, Elephant overflows with quality — it's full of tight songwriting, sharp, witty lyrics, and judiciously used basses and tumbling keyboard melodies that enhance the band's powerful simplicity (and the excellent "The Air Near My Fingers" features all of these). Crucially, the White Stripes know the difference between fame and success; while they may not be entirely comfortable with their fame, they've succeeded at mixing blues, punk, and garage rock in an electrifying and unique way ever since they were strictly a Detroit phenomenon. On these terms, Elephant is a phenomenal success.

I can admit it: I was late to the party with the White Stripes. For the longest time I held myself at a distance, occasionally pondering what the big deal was about these two weird pale kids from Detroit who had made a band without a bass. Much like I was too good for three-minute songs, I was also too good for whatever was considered the contemporary rock ‘n’ roll of the day. Sure, I had heard the high praise of how Jack and Meg White tapped into a vein of blues-based rock not heard since the hey-days of Led Zeppelin and the Rolling Stones. But by that point in my life I was cynical enough to instantly revolt from those kinds of comparisons; inevitably, all of the bands/athletes/politicians/authors etc. who were considered the “second coming” of whatever greatness had preceded them always seemed to fall short of even the most meager expectations.

So it was pretty easy to ignore the White Stripes, no matter how many times “Fell in Love With a Girl” and “Seven Nation Army” came on the radio (although, to this day those songs still don’t do much for me).

Then, a year or two ago, I thought I’d stop blindly casting off the White Stripes and actually listen to their albums; that way, when I wanted to be condescending and elitist to people who claimed the White Stripes were good, I could cite chapter-and-verse all the ways they were not good.

But, as has happened quite often in my life, my venture to prove my blind dislike turned upside down, and as I listened to more and more White Stripes, from Elephant to White Blood Cells to Get Behind Me Satan, I couldn’t help it:

The White Stripes are pretty damn good.

And so it is with Elephant, the White Stripes’ fourth studio album and their follow-up to the mega-hit White Blood Cells. Powered by the success of “Seven Nation Army,” Elephant was another mega-hit, and as I listened to the album over and over, it occurred to me that its success was not tied to one hit single; rather, the whole album surges with rock energy. Whether it’s the building-but-alternated power of “I Just Don’t Know What to Do With Myself” (which features some great Jack White screeching, both vocally and guitar-lly), the pulsating harmonies of “There’s No Home for You Here,” the frenetic “Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine,” or even “In the Cold, Cold Night,” which carries equal parts sultry allure and nerdy awkwardness, Elephant is a complete album, worthy of listen from the opening hit single all the way to the grinning closer “It’s True That We Love One Another” (and that list doesn’t include the awesomeness of “The Air Near My Fingers” or “The Hardest Button to Button”).

For me, the highlight of the album is the seven-minute primal blues jam “Ball and Biscuit.” I once read somewhere (I think it was in Rolling Stone) that the White Stripes are proof that a couple of kids in a garage band really can make it big, provided those kids are geniuses. I think “Ball and Biscuit” puts that claim on display as well as anything else: the groove is basic and the guitar licks are raw, to say the least. But it’s that rawness that draws us all into the White Stripes every time.

Gutter: Cheapskate teams hit struggles

It’s been five days since the last Cheapskate update, and all four of Major League Baseball’s lowest-salaried teams have not been faring well. Tampa Bay, who had won six in a row heading into last Wednesday (the day of the most recent Cheapskate update), lost to the Yankees that day, and though they rebounded with a win over the Bronx Bombers and then took the first game of a series in St. Louis, the Rays then dropped the final two games against the Cardinals and have fallen to second place in the AL East.

Florida has continued to struggle, despite sitting on top of the NL East and the Cheapskate. The Marlins avoided a four-game sweep by the Reds only with help from God, as the final game of the series was rained out on Thursday. The Marlins then hosted pitiful Kansas City for a weekend series, but that didn’t go well either, as the Royals took two of three. Florida is still one game ahead of New York and Philadelphia in the NL East and over $200,000 ahead of (behind?) anyone else in the Cheapskate.

Oakland’s struggles continued over the final half of last week, and the once-hot A’s have now lost five of their last six and seven of their last 10 after getting swept in Cleveland and dropping two of three in Atlanta over the weekend.

As for our hometown Buccos, they still haven’t been able to cross that .500 threshold. Winning just one game in Chicago over the weekend was exactly one more win than I thought they were capable of in the Windy City, but they’ll need to make a statement in the upcoming six-game homestand (vs. Milwaukee and the Cubs). Seems to me that this is the exact kind of homestand that usually dashes all hopes of a successful Pirates’ season: late May, against back-to-back divisional opponents, sitting just under .500. Usually that scenario leads to a 1-5 performance that kills any optimism that might have been lurking about.

This week we’ll get a Cheapskate divisional tussle when the Athletics host the Rays. After that series, Oakland gets the Red Sox at home, while Tampa Bay comes back home to host Baltimore. For the Marlins, this week has two NL West teams coming to town, starting with the hot Diamondbacks to start the week and the terrible Giants to end it.

Just to refresh, the Cheapskate rewards the team that is able to spend the least amount of money per win. Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

We’re rewarding value-based mediocrity and the teams that get the most out of spending the least.

Now on to the standings:



Record: 24-19
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $241,504.50

Record: 25-19
Standing: 2nd in AL East
Games back: 1
Money spent per win: $476,075.64

Record: 24-21
Standing: 2nd in AL West
Games back: 1.5
Money spent per win: $555,175.07


Record: 21-23
Standing: T-4th in NL Central
Games back: 6
Money spent per win: $638,469.27

Peak: Smooth like velvet

Peak: Fever in the funk house, Pt. 10 - The Devil's Rejects

Or: How I fill up 2 GB

(Being the continuing alphabetical series of the contents of my iPod)





Album: The Devil’s Rejects: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Artist: Various artists
Released: 2005

Track listing:
1. Midnight Rider – The Allman Bros. Band
2. Shambala – Three Dog Night
3. Brave Awakening – Terry Reid
4. It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels – Kitty Wells
5. Satan’s Got to Get Along Without Me – Buck Owens & His Buckaroos
6. Fooled Around and Fell in Love – Elvin Bishop
7. I Can’t Quit You Baby – Otis Rush
8. Funk #49 – James Gang
9. Rock On – David Essex
10. Rocky Mountain Way – Joe Walsh
11. To Be Treated – Terry Reid
12. Free Bird – Lynyrd Skynyrd
13. Seed of Memory – Terry Reid
14. I’m at Home Getting Hammered (While She’s Out Getting Nailed) – Banjo & Sullivan


Allmusic.com review:
"Have fun scrapin' all them brains off the road!" That's just one of the lively quotes peppering the between-song crevices on the soundtrack to Devil's Rejects, Rob Zombie's sequel to his 2003 horror genre throwback House of 1000 Corpses. The dialogue snippets add character to the set, just like the blood, shotguns, and verité mug shots of its artwork. (To say nothing of the entirely separate album released from Banjo & Sullivan, the film's fictional honky tonkers.) Yeah, you can say whatever you want about Zombie. Just don't ever call him unimaginative. Devil's Rejects adheres to its time period with a brace of rock from 1973 through around 1975, and blends the tracks from James Gang ("Funk #49"), Three Dog Night ("Shambala"), and the Allmans ("Midnight Rider") with classic honky tonk from Kitty Wells and Buck Owens. It's a great blend of album rock, air guitar faves, eccentric picks, and country ramble — it would be like the perfect radio road trip down I-65, if radio in America actually still sounded like this. Devil's Rejects also features three selections from '60s British rock dark horse Terry Reid, "Brave Awakening," "Seed of Memory," and "To Be Treated." All three stand up well. They suggest Led Zeppelin's folksier side — "Treated" sounds a lot like "Stairway to Heaven" — but could also be templates for 21st century troubadours like Ryan Adams or Damien Rice. Reid's also a creative, evocative choice next to workhorses from Skynyrd ("Freebird") and Joe Walsh ("Rocky Mountain Way"). Devil's Rejects closes with some hokey "radio spots" and a bumpkin rustle called "I'm at Home Getting Hammered (While She's Out Getting Nailed)" from that fantasy Nashville duo Banjo & Sullivan. Overall it's a thoroughly entertaining soundtrack, as happily crass and drive-in proud as the film itself. "And if you don't like it you can kiss my grits," as one of the B&S spots concludes.


It seems to me that a really good soundtrack almost serves the same function as a mix-tape: a collection of songs, sometimes eclectic, sometimes connected, put together in such a manner as to create a feeling of moving from start-to-finish. When they are well-done, soundtracks should achieve the start-to-finish flow as they follow the pace of the film.

With that in mind, The Devil’s Rejects excels as a soundtrack. Not only are there great, great songs here, but the order flows from “Midnight Rider” all the way through to “Seed of Memory” (never mind “I’m at Home Getting Hammered,” by the fictional Banjo & Sullivan). I left the movie soundbites off my iPod, but those add more of the film’s atmosphere to the soundtrack.

Really, what’s not to like about the tunes on this soundtrack? It’s got everything a fan of 70’s music could ask for: great Southern rock; two, count ‘em, two Joe Walsh tunes; some of the best pop rock from the era; some high-quality honky tonk; and the incredible Terry Reid songs. I’ll be honest: I didn’t know much about Reid before this soundtrack; after hearing his tunes in the movie and on the soundtrack, I think he’s worth further investigation.

Truth be told, I’m just a huge fan of this movie. So much so that I am confident that it is one of my top 10 favorite movies of all-time. That’s a high pedestal, but I just can’t talk myself out of it, and it’s a shame that the stigmatized trio of the movie’s title, its director (Rob Zombie), and its predecessor (House of 1,000 Corpses) has dissuaded viewers from ever taking the time to watch it. Far from the over-the-top/music video-esque/uber-horror psychedelia of House, The Devil’s Rejects is an altogether more organic production, with none of the trippy graphics or cut-aways, none of the heavy metal tracks, and nothing even approaching that weird underground sequence near the end of House.

In a way, the soundtrack for The Devil’s Rejects reflects the film’s nature, with its 70’s rock atmosphere. The Devil’s Rejects is almost a buddy movie, following the family of psychos as they run from the law and toward their doom. It’s a testament to Rob Zombie’s development as a filmmaker that he’s able to take the despicable, stomach-turning band of freaks from House and turn them into a group of real human beings with real feelings and real emotions. By the end of The Devil’s Rejects, we see the humanity in the murderers, we sympathize with them, we almost cheer for them, and when they meet their eventual doom, we can’t help but feeling a little lost.

And that’s where the highlight of The Devil’s Rejects comes in. Really, the highlight that I’m including in this post is more the highlight of the movie. To tell the truth, I’ve watched this scene probably 20 or 30 times, and it gets me every single time. There are moments when you get chills, moments when your heart starts racing, and moments when you feel genuine human emotion resulting from the combination of what’s happening on the screen and the music coming out of the speakers.

This is where I think Zombie has pulled off his biggest accomplishment with The Devil’s Rejects. I think the surest sign of effective use of music in a film is when you can’t separate the film from the music. When I hear the end section of “Layla,” I invariably think of the multiple-killings scene in Goodfellas. In The Devil’s Rejects, there are two instances of this music-film connection. The first is the opening credits and “Midnight Rider;” I haven’t heard “Midnight Rider” since and not thought of that sequence. The second occurrence of the inextricably-linked music-film connection in The Devil’s Rejects is in the scene shown below. It’s the film’s final scene, and if you haven’t seen the movie, I think you would be well-served to watch it before you watch this scene.

If you have seen the movie, then this is my gift to you on a May Thursday. I can’t watch this scene without getting all caught-up and wanting to watch the whole damn movie, and I imagine that most people who have seen the movie probably feel the same way. The look on Otis’ face…oh, man.

It’s just that good.

Peak: Still some heat in the Cheapskate

I should probably amend that logo that I used on the last Cheapskate update. Instead of showing a roller skate on fire, it should be the Tampa Bay Rays’ logo en fuego, because the Rays are one of the hottest teams in the MLB right now, let alone the Cheapskate standings.

Tampa Bay has the longest current winning streak in the league as winners of six in a row, and that streak of success has vaulted the Rays back into the top spot in the AL East, ahead of the slumping Red Sox.

In the world of the Cheapskate, Tampa Bay’s run has the Rays holding on to second place behind only the very cheap Marlins. And what’s more, the Rays’ cost per win in this update (around $458,000) is the lowest mark achieved by a team other than Florida this season.

Speaking of the Marlins, they’ve hit a bit of a rough stretch, as their seven-game winning streak was snapped by losses in the first two games of a series at pitiful Cincinnati. Florida still sits at the top of the NL East and the Cheapskate, and they get two more shots at the Reds before heading home to host the Royals, so I’m guessing that the Marlins are still in good shape.

Oakland could use another upswing. Sure, the A’s are only .5 game back in the AL West and hanging in third in the Cheapskate, but they’ve gone 5-5 over their last 10. They lost to the Indians in Cleveland last night; after two more games against Chief Wahoo, they’ll be off to Atlanta to face the really-good-at-home Braves. Oakland needs to get on the winning track or they could fall further in the West and the Cheapskate.

And then there’s the flirting-with-.500 Pirates. Winning the opener of Monday’s double-header put the Buccos one game under the magic mark of average-ness, but they dropped the second game. Last night, they rebounded and bounced the Cardinals in St. Louis, and they’re right back to one game under. Pittsburgh is currently 4 games back in the NL Central, but they’ve got a tough stretch coming up; sweeping, or at least taking two-out-of-three from, the Cardinals would go a long way toward establishing some positive momentum.

In the Cheapskate, the Pirates are now just over $100,000 behind the third-place team (in this case, Oakland). This is about as close as the Buccos have gotten to climbing out of the Cheapskate cellar, but a healthy run of winning baseball can push Pittsburgh out of the depths and into contention.

Just to refresh, the Cheapskate rewards the team that is able to spend the least amount of money per win. Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

We’re rewarding value-based mediocrity and the teams that get the most out of spending the least.



Record: 23-16
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $228,562.40

Record: 23-16
Standing: 1st in AL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $458,669.70

Record: 23-17
Standing: 2nd in AL West
Games back: .5
Money spent per win: $514,944.99


Record: 19-20
Standing: 5th in NL Central
Games back: 4
Money spent per win: $625,486.04

Peak: This skate's on fire!

And I thought the Cheapskate teams were on fire in the last update.

Look out, big-money markets of Major League Baseball:

Here come the bottom-feeders.

Every single one of the four teams in the running for the first-ever Cheapskate award is on fire. The unbelievable Marlins continue to sit in first place in the NL East on the strength of a seven-game winning streak. The amazing Rays of Tampa Bay are back within 1.5 games of the AL East-leading Red Sox after winning four in a row. The Athletics have held on to the top spot in the AL West by winning four of their last six. And even the Pirates, in all of their crapitude, are currently riding a five-game winning streak that has enabled them to climb to two games under .500 and just a half-game out of fourth place in the NL Central.

It’s amazing what these value-minded bargain-basement teams are accomplishing. And people say the dollar is weak.

Just to refresh, the Cheapskate rewards the team that is able to spend the least amount of money per win. Here are the numbers we’re working with.

Total salaries (according to this list published by the Associated Press):

Pittsburgh $49,365,283
Oakland $47,967,126
Tampa Bay $43,820,598
Florida $21,836,500

Cost per game:

Pittsburgh $304,723.97
Oakland $296,093.37
Tamp Bay $270,497.52
Florida $134,793.21

We’re rewarding value-based mediocrity and the teams that get the most out of spending the least.

Florida has held on to the top spot in the Cheapskate all season, but the Marlins’ new mark of $216,000 per win is the lowest since the first Cheapskate standings. Tampa Bay’s winning streak has vaulted the Rays into second place in the Cheapskate for the second time this season. And while the Pirates are still bringing up the rear, their current rate of $645,000 per win is as low as they’ve had since the season’s second Cheapskate update, when they got down to $565,000 after a big winning streak.

Coming up next, the Marlins go to Cincinnati for a four-game series against the worse-than-the-Pirates Reds. Tampa Bay hosts the stuck-at-.500 Yankees for a four-game series. Oakland has Monday off before a three-game series at Cleveland. And the Pirates wrap up their four-game home tilt against the Braves with a double-header on Monday before going to St. Louis to start a three-game series against the Cardinals.



It’s a big time for the Cheapskate teams. Here are the most recent standings:




Record: 23-14
Standing: 1st in NL East
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $216,841.25

Record: 21-16
Standing: 2nd in AL East
Games back: 1.5
Money spent per win: $476,590.87

Record: 23-16
Standing: 1st in AL West
Games back: 0
Money spent per win: $502,071.37


Record: 17-19
Standing: 5th in NL Central
Games back: 4.5
Money spent per win: $645,297.82